A Craftsman lawnmower got a Colorado man in hot water last week. Concerned citizens in Garden City called the cops on 53-year-old Kenneth Welton on Tuesday after he was spotted motoring the wrong way down a busy street at around 10pm on a riding mower, reportedly after visiting at least one local watering hole, says NBC 9News. Arresting officers say that even though Welton declined to take a sobriety test, he was slurring his speech, had bloodshot eyes, and reeked of liquor.
Welton—who already has a revoked driver’s license and other DUIs under his belt, according to 9News—insists he was simply cutting weeds (in the middle of 8th Avenue?) and that he had gone to get a drink or two only after his nephew’s lawnmower broke down mid-task. "I’ve been working, I have been mowing," he told a CBS Denver reporter from a local jailhouse. "I haven’t been barhopping." Weld County law enforcement isn’t chuckling; Welton has been charged with a misdemeanor DUI. (This isn’t as weird as the guy who got busted for DUI on a motorized beer cooler—but pretty close.)