How a Mother Survived Her Son's Suicide

Jane Clementi: 'I was thinking about ending my pain'
By Michael Harthorne,  Newser Staff
Posted Nov 4, 2015 3:00 PM CST
Jane Clementi reveals she thought about killing herself after her son Tyler's suicide in 2010 in a new interview.   (AP Photo/The Star-Ledger, John Munson, Pool)

(Newser) – In an emotional, hours-long interview with the Daily Beast, Jane Clementi opens up about how she nearly took her own life in the days, weeks, and years following her son Tyler's suicide. Tyler Clementi killed himself in 2010 after his roommate at Rutgers set up a webcam to catch him sleeping with a man. Five years later, his childhood bedroom is pretty much as he left it. “I was in a very dark, very dark, and also a confused, place too,” Jane Clementi admits while inside that room. “I was thinking about self-harm and self-hurting myself. I hadn’t done either, but I was thinking along those lines. I was thinking about ending my pain." She tells the Daily Beast she didn't think she could live with the pain of losing Tyler, and even had a plan for how she would go: a pill overdose.

“I had the plans and ability," Clementi tells the Daily Beast. "I came very close—but no, nothing. What I wanted to do was to escape. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up again." She says those feelings persisted for more than three years following Tyler's death, until she finally realized she wasn't going to be able to hurt herself. "What made me hold on, one of the many things that made me hold on, was the thought that I needed to be there for Tyler, for the trial, because if he were alive he would have been there and I needed to be there for him," Clementi says. Tyler's roommate eventually spent 20 days in jail. Read the full interview here. (Read more Tyler Clementi stories.)

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