How to Survive the Apocalypse

Guardian explains how to kill pheasants, build shelter
By Drew Nelles,  Newser Staff
Posted Feb 1, 2009 8:32 AM CST

(Newser) – Economic ruin, climate change, war—the apocalypse can’t be far off, right? Movies tell us that to survive the end of days we need “to sit in desirable country mansions, eat tinned tomatoes, develop post-traumatic psychosis and shoot each other,” Tanya Gold writes in the Guardian, noting that such a tactic "never works.” Instead, Gold learns how to navigate Armageddon herself.

Gold tears out a pheasant’s guts (“I now have bloodlust”), learns how many calories are in a worm (40), and gets survival advice from a psychologist (“Trust no one”). Her conclusion: Head for Canada, where fewer nuclear reactors means less radioactive waste. “Canada may be your only hope of salvation,” she writes. “And that is as fitting an obituary for our civilization as I can type.”