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How to Survive the Apocalypse

Guardian explains how to kill pheasants, build shelter

By Drew Nelles,  Newser Staff

Posted Feb 1, 2009 8:32 AM CST

(Newser) – Economic ruin, climate change, war—the apocalypse can’t be far off, right? Movies tell us that to survive the end of days we need “to sit in desirable country mansions, eat tinned tomatoes, develop post-traumatic psychosis and shoot each other,” Tanya Gold writes in the Guardian, noting that such a tactic "never works.” Instead, Gold learns how to navigate Armageddon herself.

Gold tears out a pheasant’s guts (“I now have bloodlust”), learns how many calories are in a worm (40), and gets survival advice from a psychologist (“Trust no one”). Her conclusion: Head for Canada, where fewer nuclear reactors means less radioactive waste. “Canada may be your only hope of salvation,” she writes. “And that is as fitting an obituary for our civilization as I can type.”

Residents walk in Nueva Jerusalen, Mexico. The inhabitants of this community believe it will be the only place on earth spared from an impending apocalypse.
Residents walk in Nueva Jerusalen, Mexico. The inhabitants of this community believe it will be the only place on earth spared from an impending apocalypse.   (AP Photo/Miguel Tovar)
One of three century-old manuscripts by Isaac Newton calculating the exact date of the apocalypse.
One of three century-old manuscripts by Isaac Newton calculating the exact date of the apocalypse.   (AP Photo/The Jewish National and University Library, HO)
Apocalypse survivors will likely gather together because you are stronger in a group. But you do not know whether they will help you or just steal your resources, said a psychologist.
Apocalypse survivors will likely gather together because you "are stronger in a group. But you do not know whether they will help you or just steal your resources," said a psychologist.   (Shutterstock)
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The trailer for 2012, an upcoming movie about the end of the world.   (gdub217)

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You will quickly become lonely and paranoid. It is possible you will have a breakdown. - Psychologist Cecelia De Felice on surviving the end of the world

The apocalyptic norm—see 28 Days Later and Survivors—is for survivors to sit in desirable country mansions, eat tinned tomatoes, develop post-traumatic psychosis and shoot each other. - Tanya Gold

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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 3 comments
Shannonals
Feb 4, 2009 3:19 AM CST
Great book, but everything I needed to learn I learned from George Romero movie
darthzartan
Feb 3, 2009 10:18 PM CST
The article is useless. A flippant piece. Not that hollywood should even be mentioned but to state that she has seen ALL movies concerning a post apocalyptic future and NONE involve growing your own food shows her ignorance. Here are 3 films off the top of my head that counter that (very weak) point: the postman (the only villages to survive grow thier own food), mad max beyond thunderdome (seeds are valuable and used ass currency) and warlords of the 21st century (again showing how growing your own food and raising your own livestock is the only way to survive). Trading sex for food, shelter and goods would be a reality but is never realized by this author. Clearly this article is meant to be nothing more than light entertainment.
atris999
Feb 1, 2009 5:41 AM CST
Also read The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks, a very fun read

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