Snappy newsletters. Simple Facebook sharing. Spirited comments. Sweet features are waiting… GET THEM NOW!

Hot on Facebook

Uproar After NC State Agent 'Fixes' Girl's Lunch Preschooler has to eat chicken nuggets instead of mom's meal »

What's So Wrong With Cheating?

By Kevin Spak, Newser Staff

Posted Aug 7, 2009 9:00 AM CDT

(Newser) – America is shocked—shocked!—that David Ortiz took steroids, and disgusted that swimmers use full-body polyurethane suits, but “these steroided, polyurethaned cheating men should be our heroes,” writes Joel Stein in Time. “Americans are a performance-enhanced people,” a medication and surgery-enhanced super-race, using technology to overcome our genetics. “Having to accept the station you were born into is exactly why we left Europe. Also, the portions were too small.”

“We need to stop pretending we are honest and instead be honest about cheating.” We want to watch swimmers go faster, and we want to see hulking giants bash home runs. This fervor is just “a silly, momentary discomfort” with a new, body-enhancing technology. Should we deny athletes risky, career-prolonging surgeries? Should we make them wear old-fashioned wool uniforms? “Should we require them to read the books they supposedly write? Where will the madness end?”

[Images (2)]

[Quotes (4)]

Boston Red Sox's David Ortiz gestures to fans during batting practice before Boston's baseball game against the New York Yankees on Thursday, Aug. 6, 2009, in New York. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)

A Yankees fan holds a sign as Ortiz comes to bat in the sixth inning of a baseball game at Yankee Stadium in New York, Aug. 6, 2009. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

« Prev« Prev | Next »Next » Slideshow

Americans are a performance-enhanced people—a Botoxed, Prozacked, Viagraed, LASIKed, liposuctioned, tooth-whitened, spell-checked, serotonin-inhibited superrace. - Joel Stein

I for one will proudly take steroids when they finally make ones that don't ruin your health, necessitate a shot, or require you to keep going to the gym after
taking them. - Joel Stein

I want — and fully expect — to one day see a baseball hit out of a major league stadium and into another major league stadium. - Joel Stein

The only reason Michael Phelps objects to the full-body suits is that his sponsor, Speedo, doesn't make one. Speedo is committed to making the gonad-gripping suits that are yet another reason we left Europe. - Joel Stein

« Prev« Prev | Next »Next » Slideshow

To report an error on this story, notify our editors.

OTHER STORIES ON OUR RADAR

AP Photo

35 Brutally Honest Reasons Men Say No to Sex (The Stir)

Which Entertainer Pulled Out of 'Inappropriate' Whitney Tribute? (NewsOne)

The French Government Wants to Tone My Vagina (Slate)

Obama Photo on Facebook Helps Catch Drug Dealer (HuffPost)

Hottest Women to Ever Appear in the SI Swimsuit Issue (Bleacher Report)

Partner Links

A snapshot of the day's best news stories.

View Larger Grid

All Today Yesterday Pick a Date

COMMENTS

Read the comment policy

Showing 3 of 9 comments

kokuaguy

Aug 8, 2009 4:15 AM CDT

; ^)

selva

Aug 7, 2009 10:12 AM CDT

Why we left Europe?!?!?!! That disgusts me. My people didnt leave europe, as a matter of fact my people and our land was stolen by sickly Europeans. Sickly Europeans used artificial selection to turn my people into the hulking giant home run hitters. This is a clear display of white male entitlement and self righteousness. I agree with the article, but the author needs to seriously check the language he rights with. Last i check David Ortiz definitely doesnt have any european heritage.

AnnieChrist

Aug 7, 2009 5:01 AM CDT

If the athletes were using substances that were not considered illegal at the time, then by definition, they weren't cheating. Having said that, I find the article repulsive on many levels. The article begins with an antecdote about his father cheating on his taxes, and goes on to explain how the writer cheated his way through school. A society, by definition is based on rules and the obedience to those rules. We find our country in crisis right now, due almost wholly to this attitude of moral relevance. When bankers, CEO's, politicians and the average citizen abandon principles and morality, a society has no where to go but down. To write an article in praise of cheating is to me as reprehensible as praising a bank robber for achieving 'financial success.'

What's Popular Now on Facebook

Rick Santorum: Birth Control Is 'Not OK'

Valentine's Day Role-Playing Goes Very Wrong

Time (Source Grid »)

Sports • US

steroids • baseball • cheating • performance-enhancing drugs • Speedo LZR Racer • swimsuit

More Newser Stories

Jim Thome Hits 600th Homer... Without Steroids

Baseball's 'nicest guy' joins select club

(NEWSER) - With two home runs last night against the Detroit Tigers, Minnesota Twin Jim Thome became the eighth ballplayer ever to hit 600 out of the park. Perhaps most remarkable about this feat is that he achieved it without steroids—unlike many of the other top sluggers of his era, writes Tom Verducci in Sports Illustrated . Indeed, “Gentleman Jim” has “so mastered humility that he has lasted all these years through the thorniest era in baseball history with nary a whiff of controversy or negativity.” More»

Clemens Judge Declares Mistrial

We'll know in September whether government will try again

(NEWSER) - A big swing and a miss for prosecutors: The judge in the Roger Clemens perjury trial declared a mistrial today—on only the second day. Prosecutors showed evidence to the jury that the judge had earlier deemed inadmissible, reports the Los Angeles Times . "I don't see how I unring the bell," declared US District Judge Reggie Walton. He scheduled a hearing in September to determine whether a new trial will take place, notes the AP . More»

Ex-Mistress: Bonds Blamed 'Roids for Injury

Perjury trial continues over slugger's denial of using steroids

(NEWSER) - Barry Bonds' ex-mistress took the stand in his perjury trial today, testifying that the ex-slugger blamed steroids for a 1999 elbow injury, and that his head got bigger—literally—and testicles got smaller over the course of their nine-year relationship. Kimberly Bell, who maintained the relationship even after he told her he was marrying another woman in 1999, said Bonds told her his muscle and tendons grew too fast, and "blew out" the joint. More»

NY Yankee Derek Jeter—Cheater or Oscar Nominee?

Mr. Sportsmanship fools the umps

(USER SUBMITTED) - He's a shoe-in for baseball's Hall of Fame, he's this years' reigning Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year, and his Yankees are battling to stay atop the American League East standings. On Wednesday night against the Tampa Bay Rays, Derek Jeter admittedly feigned an injury from a pitch that ricocheted off the end of his bat and was awarded first base for being hit by a pitch, which he was not. More»

Clemens Pleads Not Guilty

Pitcher to fight charges of lying to congress

(AP) - Seven-time Cy Young winner Roger Clemens pleaded not guilty today to charges of lying to Congress about whether he used steroids or human growth hormone. When asked for a plea, the retired pitcher said in a clear voice: "Not guilty, your honor." Clemens and all-time home run leader Barry Bonds could both begin their day in court next spring, turning the spotlight back on MLB's long-running drug scandal just as it opens the 2011 season. More»

NEWS FROM OUR PARTNERS

What is Newser?

Face it: there's too much news. At Newser, we choose the most thought-provoking and entertaining stories from hundreds of US and international sources and reduce them to a headline, picture, and two paragraphs. And we do it 24/7—you can come back morning, noon, night (and in between) for something new that matters. Read less, know more.

Learn more »

Partnering with: Slate

View Newser on the mobile website