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MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2009
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 COMMENTARY 
12

What's So Wrong With Cheating?

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(Newser) – America is shocked—shocked!—that David Ortiz took steroids, and disgusted that swimmers use full-body polyurethane suits, but “these steroided, polyurethaned cheating men should be our heroes,” writes Joel Stein in Time. “Americans are a performance-enhanced people,” a medication and surgery-enhanced super-race, using technology to overcome our genetics. “Having to accept the station you were born into is exactly why we left Europe. Also, the portions were too small.”

“We need to stop pretending we are honest and instead be honest about cheating.” We want to watch swimmers go faster, and we want to see hulking giants bash home runs. This fervor is just “a silly, momentary discomfort” with a new, body-enhancing technology. Should we deny athletes risky, career-prolonging surgeries? Should we make them wear old-fashioned wool uniforms? “Should we require them to read the books they supposedly write? Where will the madness end?”

Boston Red Sox's David Ortiz gestures to fans during batting practice before Boston's baseball game against the New York Yankees on Thursday, Aug. 6, 2009, in New York.
Boston Red Sox's David Ortiz gestures to fans during batting practice before Boston's baseball game against the New York Yankees on Thursday, Aug. 6, 2009, in New York.   (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)
A Yankees fan holds a sign as Ortiz comes to bat in the sixth inning of a baseball game at Yankee Stadium in New York, Aug. 6, 2009.
A Yankees fan holds a sign as Ortiz comes to bat in the sixth inning of a baseball game at Yankee Stadium in New York, Aug. 6, 2009.   (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)
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Americans are a performance-enhanced people—a Botoxed, Prozacked, Viagraed, LASIKed, liposuctioned, tooth-whitened, spell-checked, serotonin-inhibited superrace. - Joel Stein

I for one will proudly take steroids when they finally make ones that don't ruin your health, necessitate a shot, or require you to keep going to the gym after
taking them. - Joel Stein

I want — and fully expect — to one day see a baseball hit out of a major league stadium and into another major league stadium. - Joel Stein

The only reason Michael Phelps objects to the full-body suits is that his sponsor, Speedo, doesn't make one. Speedo is committed to making the gonad-gripping suits that are yet another reason we left Europe. - Joel Stein

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12 comments
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gabo
Aug 7, 09 9:03 AM CDT
I disagree. We do want to see people beat records but we want them to be real. Something the average guy can relate to. I was a jock in my youth and I appreciate excellence but I don't like the fact that sports records come out of a bottle, not out of intense dedication and effort. Reply
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+7
cochiserocks
Aug 7, 09 9:16 AM CDT
Why not have two events? One for those who want to do it the hard way and push their natural ability as far as they can and compete with others doing the same. And another one for anyone who wants to compete against steroid injecting, technology wearingsuper athletes. The first one could be called the 'Luddite Olympics' and the second the 'Bionic Olympics' lol Reply
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+2
Reader60610265
Aug 7, 09 9:17 AM CDT
Bulls-eye. Reply
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+1
NoneofurBusiness
Aug 7, 09 9:21 AM CDT
The authenticity is what makes any sport exciting, shit it makes life exciting. It's called tradition. Without it, whats the point? Reply
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+4
Forderon
Aug 7, 09 10:40 AM CDT
Is it cheating to eat chicken? They are drugged up with steroids in order to be mass-produced. Is it cheating for a swimmer to wear a high-tech swimsuit? Is it cheating to have access to the best trainers, supplements, doctors, etc? What exactly is cheating is my question and where does it end? As far as performance enhancing drugs, how are they any different from the above? And is it really cheating if everyone is doing it, creating a level playing field? Our idea of what athletes should look like has been completely warped in the last 10-15 years with the advances in nutrition, training, surgery, etc. The athletes we see today are nothing like what natural humans should look like. All of this just creates an environment that puts pressure on athletes to do even more to separate themselves. Reply
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+1
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