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Fibs Are Good for Marriage

By Harry Kimball, Newser Staff

Posted Aug 26, 2009 6:00 PM CDT

(Newser) – Raina Kelley is not happy with this "new spate of advice talking about how lying is bad for a relationship," she writes in Newsweek. "That is my line in the sand. Marriages cannot exist without dishonesty." Now, she doesn't mean the big stuff, like adultery. She's talking little fibs. "I don't want to sound like Erma Bombeck, but you cannot be completely honest with a person you spend so much time with." Some examples:

It's OK if you mean what isn't being said: "Take the famous query 'Does this make me look fat?' What's really being asked is 'Have I become less attractive to you over the course of our relationship?' And that is why the answer is always no, even if it's not technically true."
Hyperbole hides real annoyance: "Instead of lecturing me on picking up and folding my clothes, (her husband) simply says, 'The next time I have to pick up your pants, I'm going to douse them with gasoline and throw them out the window.' Or from my end, it would sound something like, 'If you have my iPod charger, I'm sending you to Bolivia in a box.'"

For more, click on the link.

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[Quotes (1)]

A young couple. (Shutterstock)

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Adultery, "sexting" with your college boyfriend, saying you're in a meeting when you're at the racetrack, or telling your spouse that your parents are dead when they live in Boca are not acceptable lies. I'm talking about fibs.
- Raina Kelley

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COMMENTS

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Showing 3 of 5 comments

unagiroll

Aug 28, 2009 5:22 AM CDT

mm, disagree. I have gained twenty pounds (out of no where) in the past few months. When I asked my hubby if looked bigger, he would say, no (to be nice). Now that I finally reached the size that I'm at, I got upset with him for not being honest when I asked 5lbs, 10lbs, and 15lbs ago! Our society is fat and unhealthy, we need to be reminded to watch ourselves...tough love.... I would understand fibs like telling your spouse you still find them attractive when they are in some situation that can't be realistically/easily reversed (i.e, aging, 38th week of pregnancy, scarring, illness...).

fancygapva

Aug 27, 2009 12:32 PM CDT

Maybe they weren't real marriages. I've had two marriages fail too, but not due to honesty. There are other reasons for marital failure.

fancygapva

Aug 27, 2009 12:30 PM CDT

Absolutely. Little fibs become so big over time that couples have nothing to talk about. The elephant(s) in the living room eventually block all conversation. "You never talk to me anymore" can mean that there have been so many small dishonesties that there is nothing to talk about without stumbling into one of the l "fibs." The author may think that she has a marriage, but it's sure not one in my book. "Keepin' it real" is the most important ingredient in any relationship.

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