Skip to: Content
Skip to: Site Navigation
Skip to: Search

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2009
| Subscribe to Newser's RSS feeds RSS | Follow Newser on Twitter Twitter


 OPINION 
10

Fibs Are Good for Marriage

Share

(Newser) – Raina Kelley is not happy with this "new spate of advice talking about how lying is bad for a relationship," she writes in Newsweek. "That is my line in the sand. Marriages cannot exist without dishonesty." Now, she doesn't mean the big stuff, like adultery. She's talking little fibs. "I don't want to sound like Erma Bombeck, but you cannot be completely honest with a person you spend so much time with." Some examples:

  • It's OK if you mean what isn't being said: "Take the famous query 'Does this make me look fat?' What's really being asked is 'Have I become less attractive to you over the course of our relationship?' And that is why the answer is always no, even if it's not technically true."
  • Hyperbole hides real annoyance: "Instead of lecturing me on picking up and folding my clothes, (her husband) simply says, 'The next time I have to pick up your pants, I'm going to douse them with gasoline and throw them out the window.' Or from my end, it would sound something like, 'If you have my iPod charger, I'm sending you to Bolivia in a box.'"
For more, click on the link.

A young couple.
A young couple.   (Shutterstock)
« Prev« Prev | Next »Next » Slideshow

Adultery, "sexting" with your college boyfriend, saying you're in a meeting when you're at the racetrack, or telling your spouse that your parents are dead when they live in Boca are not acceptable lies. I'm talking about fibs.
- Raina Kelley

« Prev« Prev | Next »Next » Slideshow
10 comments
VIEWING:
 
Bryanw55
Aug 26, 09 6:04 PM CDT
So I guess I should have had no to the pants question? Reply
Vote up! Vote down!
-1
justme
Aug 26, 09 6:07 PM CDT
40 years married. Honesty is the most important thing. It is also important to avoid hurting feelings. The best solution is, of course, to avoid hurtful behavior rather than to lie about it after. Reply
Vote up! Vote down!
+11
IN RESPONSE:
fancygapva
Aug 26, 09 7:30 PM CDT
Absolutely. Little fibs become so big over time that couples have nothing to talk about. The elephant(s) in the living room eventually block all conversation. "You never talk to me anymore" can mean that there have been so many small dishonesties that there is nothing to talk about without stumbling into one of the l "fibs." The author may think that she has a marriage, but it's sure not one in my book. "Keepin' it real" is the most important ingredient in any relationship.
Vote up! Vote down!
+3
IN RESPONSE:
dontlikeyou
Aug 26, 09 8:47 PM CDT
I agree "justme". The premise that a marriage cannot exist without dishonesty is an incredibly backwards statement.
Vote up! Vote down!
+5
iknowiknow
Aug 26, 09 6:54 PM CDT
no way.. if lying works for your relationship i wish you errr... happiness? i have been married 7 years living together for 8. i lie to my wife about absolutely nothing. if she is unhappy i sure as hell don't know about it, guess she's just lying? i would never be with someone i could not trust to tell me simple truths about things so simple and mundane as in this article and vice versa. lying to be happy seems counterproductive if you have morals Reply
Vote up! Vote down!
+1
LEAVE A
COMMENT
Comment Policy
Facebook ConnectPost this comment to Facebook?

After connecting you will have the option to post your comment on your Facebook profile.