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How to Look Good on Your Bike: a Poseur's Guide

By Kevin Spak,  Newser Staff

Posted Sep 9, 2009 9:02 AM CDT

(Newser) – Bicycle fever is sweeping across American cities, and there's a good chance you, too, have fallen victim. Wondering what your place is in this strange new world? Ari Samsky of SpliceToday is here to help. Know your "caste," he says, and you'll know how to behave:

  • Racing Cyclists: You don’t actually need to race, just buy a bike that costs more than $1,500, and take pains to ignore all lesser cyclists. “Should you encounter anyone with anything less than Reynolds carbon rims, you may be sure that they take neither themselves nor bicycle racing seriously.”

  • Casual Cyclists: There are no rules for the casual cyclist. Dodge pedestrians on the sidewalk, take left turns across traffic, whatever. Lock your bike to any object. “Learning the mysteries of how the bicycle operates is discouraged.” Just ride it for about a year, then leave it locked to a public rack “as an object lesson to others.”

The casual biker needs no puny bike rack.
The casual biker needs no puny bike rack.   (©Salim Virji)
You should know your place in the bicycling world.
You should know your place in the bicycling world.   (©roland)
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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 14 comments
bewilderbeast
Jan 9, 2010 12:02 PM CST
Me too, Trails only. Those smelly things are too big, too heavy, too fast. Too loud. Too entitled.
jagerhans
Sep 11, 2009 12:12 PM CDT
yellowjeep i never imagined that bicycles without freewheel are still manufactured. i never saw or heard of one and i was friend of a cycle repair guy, in his shop we talked endlessly about bikes but never came near to such an oddity. braking with pedals sounds a good way to get hit by the pedals slipping and striking you on the back of the ankle, you know where the achilles tendon lies. and this hurts a lot. engine brake on a cycle ! MORONIC.
zackmasson
Sep 11, 2009 5:05 AM CDT
wtf is this? My friend dropped by in his $800 car with his $3600 bike in the back. lol some people. man...

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