How to Look Good on Your Bike: a Poseur's Guide

Bicycle fever is sweeping across American cities, and there's a good chance you, too, have fallen victim. Wondering what your place is in this strange new world? Ari Samsky of SpliceToday is here to help. Know your "caste," he says, and you'll know how to behave:

• Racing Cyclists: You don’t actually need to race, just buy a bike that costs more than $1,500, and take pains to ignore all lesser cyclists. “Should you encounter anyone with anything less than Reynolds carbon rims, you may be sure that they take neither themselves nor bicycle racing seriously.”

• Casual Cyclists: There are no rules for the casual cyclist. Dodge pedestrians on the sidewalk, take left turns across traffic, whatever. Lock your bike to any object. “Learning the mysteries of how the bicycle operates is discouraged.” Just ride it for about a year, then leave it locked to a public rack “as an object lesson to others.”

(More bicycle stories.)