To Save the Music Industry, Ban Music—and Whistling

The copyright arguments aren't going to stop until the day music dies

By Rob Quinn,  Newser Staff

Posted Sep 18, 2009 9:38 AM CDT

(Newser) – The music industry wants royalties for the 30-second previews on iTunes—which is "bullshit," writes Nicholas DeLeon for TechGear. It's yet another foolish move in the battle to save the music industry, complains DeLeon. Luckily, he has a "foolproof" way to do just that: Ban music, "shut the whole damn industry down," send iPods to the bottom of the sea, and outlaw whistling.

A music-free society would be rid of  "the RIAA, its dunderhead henchmen and mollycoddled musicians," DeLeon writes, dreaming of a world without recording industry lawsuits. "There’s no piracy, there’s no sons-of-bitches illegally listening to unauthorized 30-second sound clips—think of the lost revenue!—and no reason to sue single mothers because their dumb kids downloaded three Britney Spears songs in 2001."

A bulldozer rolls over a pile of pirate CDs, DVDs and software in Lima, Peru.
A bulldozer rolls over a pile of pirate CDs, DVDs and software in Lima, Peru.   (AP Photo/Karel Navarro)
In DeLeon's vision of a music-free world, this is the only kind of burning of CDs that will be allowed.
In DeLeon's vision of a music-free world, this is the only kind of burning of CDs that will be allowed.   (Shutter Stock)
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All music radio stations will be scuttled, and we’ll mine the Sirius XM satellites for the useful metals they contain. Instrument stores will be transformed into Chuck E. Cheese’s or Discovery Zones.
- Nicholas DeLeon

Since both you guys can’t agree on whether or not you think it’s a good idea to sue a single mother for more money than she’ll ever see in her life let’s shut the whole damn industry down. - Nicholas DeLeon

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