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Leave Porn Sex to Porn Stars

In a real-life bedroom, no one cares about the money shot

By Evann Gastaldo,  Newser Staff

Posted Nov 2, 2009 11:53 AM CST

(Newser) – In the middle of an underwhelming bedroom session with a lover she dubbed “Mr. Jackhammer,” Mary Elizabeth Williams had an epiphany: Men (and probably some women) are learning far too many of their moves from porn, and it’s time to stop. “Thinking you can learn to make to love to a woman from watching porn is like thinking you can learn to drive from watching The Fast and the Furious,” she writes on Salon.

“There’s something cold and sad and deeply unerotic about being in the throes of it with somebody and thinking, ‘Why does this remind me of Weapons of Ass Destruction 4?’” she continues, recalling another lover who spent the entire encounter watching himself in the mirror: “He did not have sex with me. He had sex on me.” Men, she begs, “When you feel a particularly ambitious move coming on, ask yourself, am I Rocco Siffredi? Then no.”

Enough is enough with porn-esque moves in a real bedroom.
Enough is enough with porn-esque moves in a real bedroom.   (Shutter Stock)
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The rise of youporn.com and other user-generated sites means that 'face-sitting in latex' is easier to get than a Domino’s delivery—and about as good. - Mary Elizabeth Williams

Another friend mentioned a man she'd been dating, whose erotic repertoire included withdrawing his member at key moments to thump it on her. After puzzling over it with friends, she finally figured out: It's a porn move.
- Mary Elizabeth Williams

Listen, if you're a professional showing off his stuff for the camera, that sort of thing almost makes sense. Out of context, however, it's another situation entirely. You know what description you never want a woman to apply to your technique? 'Baffling.' - Mary Elizabeth Williams

Take that pressure off us. Take it off yourselves. Because in spite of or because of the mythology of the ever-rarin'-to-go, hot-blooded man, the physical and emotional reality of male sexuality is far more complicated. - Mary Elizabeth Williams

I'm all for going at it on the pile of coats at the party or bringing in a treasure box of toys or talking dirty till the break of dawn if that's what you're into. Because—and this is key—it seems like fun. Remember fun? - Mary Elizabeth Williams

Good sex makes room for honest passion and uninhibited enthusiasm, and doesn't feel like an audition for AVN rookie of the year. It's messy and silly and profound. And unscripted. - Mary Elizabeth Williams

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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 36 comments
plstyle
Nov 5, 2009 5:31 AM CST
hmm, well they say if a guy doesn't got what it takes downstairs you better put your money where your mouth is..
bewilderbeast
Nov 4, 2009 11:33 AM CST
TART?
bewilderbeast
Nov 4, 2009 11:31 AM CST
Yeah, TMI

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