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Physicists: Bird From the Future Damaged Collider

Theory says the universe is sabotaging the big experiment

By Harry Kimball,  Newser Staff

Posted Nov 11, 2009 4:50 PM CST

(Newser) – CERN’s Large Hadron Collider is having a tough time getting on its feet—construction delays, birds, etc.—but now two physicists have a novel theory about why: The experiment is so “abhorrent” to God, or nature, that the universe is conspiring to sabotage it. When scientists get close to revving up their search for the hypothetical Higgs boson, "the future sends ripples backward through time" to foil them, writes Eben Harrell in Time. Thus, the bird that recently dropped a piece of bread on a substation is one such agent of the universe.

For the record, the theory is called "reverse chronological causation." It's based on complex math, but one physicist offers this for laymen: "You could explain it (simply) by saying that God, in inverted commas, or nature, hates the Higgs and tries to avoid them." A friend of the particle’s namesake thinks he’s already got the theory debunked. “If nature truly did not want us to discover the Higgs, a cosmic ray would have zapped the embryo that became Peter, preventing its development into a physicist.”

The magnet core of the world's largest superconducting solenoid magnet (CMS, Compact Muon Solenoid) at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN)'s Large Hadron Collider.
The magnet core of the world's largest superconducting solenoid magnet (CMS, Compact Muon Solenoid) at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN)'s Large Hadron Collider.   (AP Photo)
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We have very little data, so theorists are going their own ways and making a lot of theories that may not be very plausible. We need guidance from experimentalists to make the theories more healthy. - Bech Nielsen

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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 26 comments
cochiserocks
Nov 12, 2009 12:37 PM CST
I like the last one most. According the the British Government - selling schools and hospitals to the private sector, then renting them back, actually saves money - even when it doesn't - under that same formula, I'm hoping to sell all my crockery and cutlery to my neighbours and rent it back when ever I eat. Maths never lies so what could go wrong?
thedude2888
Nov 12, 2009 12:27 PM CST
if they God had zapped the physicist from the beginning, he nvr would have been able to tell us to fck off
acerbus80
Nov 12, 2009 5:30 AM CST
This is about the most amusing thing I've read all day.
 

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