5 Painful Stages of Thanksgiving With Family

Brace yourself: It's going to be a rough ride
By Kate Seamons,  Newser Staff
Posted Nov 26, 2009 3:24 AM CST
You think your nephew is cute? Just wait til you have to cook him hot dogs.   (©BL1961)
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(Newser) – Thanksgiving is about the journey as much as the destination, and by journey, we're referring to that important stuck-in-the-car time when you run down the list of topics that must not be uttered around Grandma. Maxim runs down the five glorious, hilarious-because-they're-true stages of Thanksgiving:

  1. Get to the meal: To do so, fork over $600 to get to a place where you will be chided for your pathetic job and pathetic boyfriend/girlfriend. Bargain!

  1. Make the feast: Mom gets up at 4am to start cooking, which quickly turns her into a crazed person. Meanwhile, someone has to make hot dogs for your spoiled, picky, I-hate-turkey cousin. That person is probably you.
  2. Suffer through conversation: Mom and Dad name every person you've ever dated and ask if they're married. They all are.
  3. Chow down: Someone says "I'm about to burst!" while shoving more pecan-topped sweet potatoes down their throat.
  4. Brace yourself for the aftermath : Your family, which has just eaten 47 pounds of food, marvels at the fact that it's the tryptophan (all .006 milligrams of it) causing the intense fatigue!
For more snarky observations, click here.

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