Sexiest man alive? Pshaw. Brad Pitt looks more like “the guy who dealt weed in college,” writes Reed Tucker in the New York Post. Pitt’s facial hair, when it debuted in 2008, seemed like a temporary phase—but two years later, the beard is “longer, grayer, scragglier and even more knotted—and probably has a “family of spiders living inside.”
OK, sure, he’s growing his “topiary experiment” for an upcoming role as an explorer who went missing in the Amazon—but why not use the makeup department, instead of “subjecting us to this national nightmare?” At this rate, “he’s lucky Angelina Jolie doesn’t go running back to Billy Bob Thornton.” Check out his journey from mustache to mountain man in the slideshow.