dumb criminals

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Jewel Thief Busted by Empty Coke Can: Cops

Police say suspect Ramon Herrera also didn't flush before leaving NM crime scene

(Newser) - A burglary suspect might have gotten away with it if he had just waited until he left the crime scene to quench his thirst. Instead, police say suspect Ramon Herrera helped himself to a can of Coke from the refrigerator of the Albuquerque, NM, home he allegedly broke into and... More »

What Not to Text Your Probation Officer

'You have some weed?'

(Newser) - A guy in Albany, Ga., texted his probation officer by mistake asking, "You have any weed?" The probation officer then showed up at the errant texter's house with drug agents who found a bag of cocaine, reports WALB . And that's why Alvin Cross is not only going... More »

Drunk Driver Thought This Jail Was a Bar

Cops are now holding her in that very jail

(Newser) - A woman in Van Buren County, Mich., didn't have far to go after she was arrested for drunk driving. The 39-year-old is being held in the very jail whose parking lot she pulled into early yesterday, Michigan Live reports; she told police she thought the lot belonged to a... More »

Cops: Woman Tries to Break Into Ex's House, Gets Stuck

Firefighters rescue Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa from chimney

(Newser) - Here's a tip for would-be home invaders: You might want to consider attempting to break in via a window or a door ... instead of, say, the chimney. Authorities say that's the route Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa decided to take early yesterday in Thousand Oaks, Calif., and things went very wrong,... More »

Robber Drops ID Card, Gets 12 Years

Police in Arkansas had an easy time figuring this one out

(Newser) - It was the perfect crime, except for the part where Malcolm Thomas tripped on his way out of the gas station he had just robbed while running with the register tray. A witness saw him fall, and when police searched the spot, the Southwest Times Record details what they found:... More »

Florida Teen Busted for Humping Toy at Walmart

Police report is pretty disgusting

(Newser) - Warning: This one gets a little graphic. A 19-year-old in Florida was arrested after he humped a toy in Walmart to the point of orgasm yesterday, the Smoking Gun reports. Sean Johnson took a stuffed horse off a shelf and headed to the housewares section of the Brooksville store, where... More »

Woman Arrested Thanks to 'Unflattering' Facebook Pic

Monica Hargrove asked Columbus police to take it off their Facebook page

(Newser) - Ahh, vanity: It gets us every time. A 34-year-old Ohio woman was hit with robbery, aggravated-robbery, and kidnapping charges all thanks, in part, to an unflattering Facebook photo. Monica Hargrove drove a friend to pick up a prescription on Aug. 30, only to allegedly pull a gun on her, rob... More »

Cops: Guy Unloaded Gun— by Firing at House Next Door

George Byrd says he didn't know how else to unload

(Newser) - Police in Pennsylvania say a convicted felon accused of shooting a bullet through a neighbor's window told a judge he fired the gun because it was the only way he knew how to unload it. Middletown Detective Patrick Nicastro tells the Bucks County Courier Times that 31-year-old George Byrd... More »

Man Breaks Into Police Station— Accidentally

John Dettor thought he was breaking into a school, cops say

(Newser) - Police say a man who thought he was breaking into a Vermont school actually got into the local police station. Police say the man, identified as 59-year-old John Dettor, used a traffic cone to break the glass to get into the police station in Shelburne just before midnight on Thursday,... More »

This Burglar Picked a Bad Time for a Nap

Florida man found on bed with bag of stolen jewelry

(Newser) - An alleged burglar in Sarasota County, Fla., was literally caught napping by deputies, who paused to take a few photos of the man snoozing next to a bag of jewelry before waking him up and taking him to jail. A maid called police when she discovered Dion Davis, 29, asleep... More »

Guy Butt-Dials 911, Gets Busted for Drugs

He's arrested after authorities overhear his conversation

(Newser) - There's no need for phone-tapping when criminals call the police on themselves. That's what allegedly happened to one Grant O'Connor, 25, WKRN reports: He butt-dialed 911 as he chatted about a dealer and doing drugs, police say. Officials traced the call, which led them to a restaurant... More »

Man Being Chased by Cops Stops to Play With Cats

Daniel Pinedo-Velapatino faces multiple charges in Florida

(Newser) - Daniel Pinedo-Velapatino was apparently so stressed out during a police chase last week he stopped at a stranger's house to play with her cats. The saga began when the 21-year-old allegedly stole $15,000 from a friend in Florida, and police later saw him hit a car at an... More »

Cops: Woman Rubs Officer's Pepper Spray Back Into His Eyes

A Florida arrest gets a little out of hand

(Newser) - When a Florida sheriff's deputy spotted two women arguing in a store parking lot, he intervened, Keys News reports—but the response was more than he bargained for. As the officer attempted to arrest Sara Henderson, 33, on charges of disorderly intoxication, he says she fought back. In the... More »

Punishment for Brooklyn Bridge Climber: Cleaning It?

Judge sees jail time as inappropriate for accused tourist Yaroslav Kolchin

(Newser) - For a Russian tourist who's accused of climbing the Brooklyn Bridge, the punishment may fit the crime. Prosecutors suggested a deal involving 90 days in jail for Yaroslav Kolchin, but judge ShawnDya L. Simpson doesn't think that's a great idea. Instead, she suggested he be required to... More »

Kid, 7, Narcs on Mom for Cooking Meth in Car

Why, yes, Florida was involved

(Newser) - Today, in Criminal Masterminds Who Could Use a Lesson in Discretion: We present one Briana Buchanan, a 27-year-old single mom who maybe should have thought about getting a babysitter while she was allegedly cooking meth out of the trunk of her car. Seems her 7-year-old son was bothered by "... More »

Fugitive's Mistake? He Wins Police Doughnut Contest

Burglary suspect arrested after victory appears in newspaper

(Newser) - When you're on the lam from police, it might be best to avoid entering doughnut-eating contests sponsored by the aforementioned police. Because you just might win, get written up in the local paper, and then not be on the lam anymore. Such is the strange fate of Bradley Hardison... More »

Woman Poses for Clerk Holding Stolen Credit Card

Police seeking Florida shopper who used it for beauty supplies

(Newser) - A picture is worth a thousand words—and sometimes a possible jail sentence. Police in Ocala, Fla., are searching for a woman who used a stolen American Express credit card after a suspicious store clerk snapped a photo of her posing with it, reports the Smoking Gun . The shopper charged... More »

Woman Tries to Steal Cop Car —With Cops in It

Said she planned to drive it to her car: police

(Newser) - A woman in Pittsburgh made the bold move of trying to steal a police car; unfortunately for her, it contained police. According to authorities, an apparently drunk Ria Buford, 32, was hanging out with friends near the unmarked car following a huge after-party for a concert. Plainclothes officers were sitting... More »

NYPD Chopper Nearly Downed —by 2 Guys With Drones

Pilots had to change course to avoid collision over George Washington Bridge

(Newser) - An NYPD helicopter nearly collided with two drones over the George Washington Bridge yesterday, resulting in a matching pair of felony reckless-endangerment charges for two men. The chopper pilots said in a police report that they were patrolling just after midnight when they "observed flying object[s] at 2,000... More »

Woman Leads Cops on 100mph Chase —to Preferred Jail

Grady County jail apparently not a place she wanted to spend time

(Newser) - So maybe you've been drinking and maybe you're speeding a little, but what to do when a cop tries to pull you over—presenting you with the very real prospect of doing a little time in a less-than-desirable county jail? Step on the gas, and lead police on... More »

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