NEWS ABOUT: dumb criminals

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Suspect's Giveaway: He Was 'Walking Awkwardly'

Police say they found heroin in man's underwear at JFK Airport

(Newser) - Pro tip: If you're going to smuggle heroin in your underwear, try to walk like a normal person while doing so. Bernard Charles apparently couldn't manage that, so when Customs and Border Protection officers spotted him "walking awkwardly" at New York's JFK Airport on April 1,... More »

Cops: Laptop Thief Busted After Customer Service Call

Suspect phoned Apple for help months after burglary

(Newser) - Calling customer service for help with your laptop is generally a fine idea, but maybe not if you stole the thing in a home burglary. Police in New Hampshire say they made an arrest on Monday and recovered a computer stolen in February 2013 thanks to that very scenario, reports... More »

What Not to Do When Angry About Pot Dealer

Woman arrested after calling police to complain about quality

(Newser) - Two strange marijuana-related arrests from the police blotter:
  • Bad strategy: A woman in East Texas got herself arrested after she called police to complain that a dealer had sold her low-quality marijuana, reports the AP . Evelyn Hamilton spent $40 on the pot and says she called the cops when the
... More »

Cops: Arby's Burglar Gets Stuck in Ventilation Shaft

South Carolina man ends up in hospital instead of in the store

(Newser) - It probably seemed like the perfect plan on paper: Climb up on the roof of the local Arby's after it closed for the night, zip inside through the ventilation shaft, and then plunder the store's vast riches. Except police say a would-be burglar in South Carolina ended up... More »

Police Find Mom Hiding in Bedroom at Teen Party

This after Carolyn Weinand told them she was out of town, unaware of bash

(Newser) - Not that unusual: Cops show up to bust a teen party involving booze, and find someone hiding in a bedroom. Unusual: That person is the home's 56-year-old owner, and mother to the 18-year-old who threw the bash. Police say they arrived at the home in Naples, Fla., just after... More »

Cops: Man Freed After 15 Years Robs Same Store

But once again, it does not end well

(Newser) - Christopher Miller robbed the Stride Rite shoe store in Toms River, NJ, in 1999, got caught, and served 15 years in state prison. Police say he became a free man on Friday and celebrated by catching a bus to Toms River and, yes, robbing the same Stride Rite shoe store,... More »

Feds: Con Sent Obama Threat to Wrong Address

Pennsylvania inmate charged with botched threat

(Newser) - President Obama might currently have one of the better-known addresses in America, but that piece of trivia was apparently lost on the Pennsylvania inmate charged with trying to send him a threat. Joseph Savage gets his latest day in court today, and prosecutors allege that, while cooling his heels in... More »

Dumbest Thing Ever Said to a Cop During DUI Stop

Michael Moore explained he was trying to 'drive it off'

(Newser) - He was pulled over with glassy eyes, slurred speech, a boozy smell, and he blew well over the legal limit on his BAC test, so 61-year-old Michael Moore probably couldn't say much to help his case. But this? He "told me that his wife told him that he... More »

Man Caught Growing Pot, Thanks to Own Home Alarm

It tripped one day and summoned police in Michigan

(Newser) - It's generally a fine idea to set up a secure alarm system at your house that alerts police at the first sign of trouble. Unless, of course, you happen to be growing marijuana illegally inside. Such is the fate of 53-year-old Marlon Gene Kelley of Muskegon, Mich., reports MLive... More »

Calif. Man Pulls Gun on Girl Selling Cookies

Cops say he opened door to Girl Scout with gun in his hand

(Newser) - No more Thin Mints for this guy: A California man has been arrested for allegedly pointing a gun at a young girl who was selling cookies door-to-door. Police say that when the girl knocked on the door of John Dodrill, 59, he answered with a gun pointed at her, the... More »

How Not to Rob a Pizza Delivery Guy

Cops say suspect placed the order from his own home

(Newser) - A tough-to-beat entry in the criminal genius files: Police in Tuscaloosa say a 20-year-old man robbed a pizza delivery driver after phoning in the order from his own address, reports AL.com . The driver says he showed up at the home, knocked, and got immediately surrounded by armed men who... More »

Wanted Man Posts Mugshot, Gets Captured Immediately

Anthony James Lescowitch shared police department's post

(Newser) - Note to those wanted by police: If your goal is not to get caught, it's probably not a good idea to "share" your mugshot on Facebook after the police department posts it . That's what Anthony James Lescowitch did Monday, police say; not surprisingly, the move led to... More »

Would-Be Crooks Stymied by Door, Stick Shift

Manual transmission and push-not-pull doors are difficult concepts

(Newser) - Two stories this week of would-be criminals thwarted by ... themselves:
  • In Massachusetts, a delivery driver was delivering a food order when three men, one with a knife, approached him. They took the food and his keys, but when they got into his car ... "not one of them knew how
... More »

Woman Drives to Jail Drunk to Bail Out Drunk Husband

It doesn't end well

(Newser) - Lots of idiots drove drunk on New Year's Eve. But not many of them were driving to a police station to pick up a husband who had been arrested for, you guessed it, drunk driving. But that's what police allege a Pennsylvania woman did, according to the Erie ... More »

Woman's DUI Leads to Ridiculous Chain of DUIs

She calls drunk friend from police HQ, and drunk friend calls drunk friend

(Newser) - It would be comical if it weren't so pathetic: Police in Readington Township, NJ, have reported the most bizarre chain of events, beginning with a 1:45am stop on Monday. A patrolman pulled over a car that was swerving, and smelled alcohol emanating from it, reports the Express-Times . The... More »

Man's Prank on Sister Snarls Traffic for Hours

Brother pretends there are explosives in sister's car

(Newser) - A man's prank call to his sister resulted in the closure of an interstate highway in California yesterday. During the afternoon, the man called up his sister anonymously to warn her that there was a bomb in her car, 10News reports. She pulled over on I-15 and called 911,... More »

Botched Church Robbery Leads Cops to Alleged Killer

Parishioners chased shotgun-wielding man

(Newser) - Billy Varner has an odd idea of keeping a low profile. The 54-year-old Chicago-area man was wanted in connection with the deaths of his mother and girlfriend, but that didn't stop him from allegedly walking into a Catholic Church in the middle of Saturday evening mass wielding a shotgun... More »

Macabre Clue Leads Police to Suspected Thief

A severed finger, which police fingerprinted using Popsicle stick

(Newser) - This month's entry in the annals of truly stupid criminals: Police in Arizona say they found a would-be thief thanks to the suspect's own severed finger, the Arizona Republic reports. Joshua Allen Goverman, 29, allegedly tried to steal copper wiring (value: $300) from an air conditioning truck Oct.... More »

Groom Forgets to Book Venue, Freaks, Calls in Bomb Threat

He phoned in threat after forgetting to book venue

(Newser) - The BBC and AP provide the details on a tale of wedding-day craziness in Britain:
  • Problem: The day before he was supposed to get married in Liverpool's St. George's Hall, Neil McCardle realized he had forgotten to actually book the place.
  • Solution: He sat on this nugget of
... More »

Suit: Scamming Car Dealer Tried to Run Over Buyer

That's just one detail in this crazy New York lawsuit

(Newser) - Something wacky went down at the New York Motor Group, according to a lawsuit that claims a Queens man was conned, nearly run over, and even threatened with divorce by the dealership's owner and employees. It's a crazy tale packed with an "escalating series of insane events,... More »

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