dumb criminals

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Dude Desperate to Make Court Swiped Pal's Car: Cops

After saying repeatedly he didn't have a ride

(Newser) - A New Jersey man has been accused of stealing a friend's car to avoid missing a court hearing on drug charges. Twenty-one-year-old Jorge Ramirez-Sierra of Riverdale has been charged with unlawful taking of a means of conveyance and driving while suspended, among other counts. Police tell NJ.com the... More »

Cops: Drunk Guy Crashed Truck, Swiped Forklift

To free his crashed truck

(Newser) - Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the dude with a really good buzz driving a pilfered forklift three miles to fetch the truck you crashed and managed to leave dangling on a giant pipe in Alaska. Police in Fairbanks say the latter... More »

Man Hiding From Cops Foiled by Own Snapchat Post

He reveals location, quickly gets arrested

(Newser) - Someday, maybe, there will be a story about a fugitive taunting the police via social media that ends differently, but until then ... meet Christopher Wallace. As police were searching for him inside his home in Fairfield, Maine, the 24-year-old burglary suspect posted a message to Snapchat boasting that he was... More »

Cops: Criminal Mastermind's Disguise 'Ineffective'

Police somehow saw through Jose Espinoza's attempt at hiding

(Newser) - Pro tip: When the law is after you and you'd like to alter your appearance so as to avoid speaking with the aforementioned law, maybe try a fat suit or dyeing your hair. Probably what you don't want to do is spraypaint your face black, which is what... More »

Cops: Teens Mistook Man's Ashes for Cocaine

Alleged burglars threw them out after tasting

(Newser) - Three teens in St. Peters, Missouri, are accused of breaking into a home and stealing everything from cash to jewelry. One reason this police item is making headlines, however, is because police say the trio also stole what they thought was a box of cocaine, reports the Smoking Gun . Except,... More »

Guy Busted With Container Labeled 'Not Weed'

The container turned out to be mislabeled

(Newser) - He put his weed in there: The crack law enforcement in Lincoln, Neb., were apparently unfooled by a 21-year-old man's sour cream container labeled "Not Weed." As the Lincoln Journal-Star reports, the unnamed man was pulled over about 9pm on Saturday on suspicion of drunken driving. During... More »

Would-Be Car Thief Knocks Himself Out

Concrete block bounces off window, hits him

(Newser) - Three strikes and you're out, literally in this case. CCTV footage in County Louth, Ireland, shows a would-be car thief hurling a piece of concrete at a car window, only to have it bounce back, hit him in the head, and knock him out cold, reports the Irish Examiner ... More »

Partygoers Busted After One Butt-Dials 911

Whoops

(Newser) - Today's entry in the annals of " When Butt-Dials Go Wrong ": A Wisconsin teen's cellphone dialed 911 accidentally, and when police responded at 3:49am yesterday, they found an "underage drinking party" going on at a house in Rothschild, the Wausau Daily Herald reports. Five women... More »

Cops: Guy Attempted an Icy DUI Coverup

Bryan Byers and pal charged after cops say they tried to create black ice

(Newser) - New Jersey police say a man poured water on a freezing road to try to fool officers into thinking the cause of his drunken car crash was black ice. Twenty-year-old Bryan Byers, of Sparta, was arrested Saturday and charged with drunken driving and other offenses. Authorities say he hit a... More »

Another Misguided Selfie, Another Suspect in Custody

The latest comes from Pennsylvania, again

(Newser) - The latest entry in that ever-growing category of criminal suspects tripped up by their own selfies : Police in Ambridge, Pa., were searching for 22-year-old Donald Harrison on assault charges, but without much luck. That changed when Harrison posted images of himself on Facebook aboard a Greyhound bus, with captions helpfully... More »

Guy Lists 'Drug Dealer' as Occupation, on Arrest Report

Florida.

(Newser) - Robert Michael Phillips has seven felony convictions and more than a dozen arrests on his resumé—which he apparently feels earns him the right to list his occupation as "drug dealer," reports the Palm Beach Post . The slight problem being that he did so not on an... More »

Woman Calls Cop: Hi, Want to Buy My Drugs?

Unsurprisingly, he's interested in meeting up

(Newser) - Police say a woman selling drugs made a big mistake that landed her in jail—she mistakenly called an Albuquerque police detective. KOB-TV reports that 30-year-old Renea Lucero was arrested last week when she called the detective at his department-issued cellphone and made the officer an unexpected offer. Court documents... More »

Jailhouse Smuggling 101: Don't Use Greeting Cards

Sender's method of getting heroin into Western Tidewater Regional Jail failed

(Newser) - Someone, somewhere, must be unaware jail officials screen mail before handing it over to inmates. While checking the post at Virginia's Western Tidewater Regional Jail last week, officials came across a homemade card with the gift of heroin inside, WTKR reports. This was no isolated incident: Officials have recently... More »

What Not to Tell Police in the Wee Hours of Jan. 1

Daniel Pratts allegedly explained that everyone drives drunk

(Newser) - Shortly after the clock struck midnight on Jan. 1, a police officer in Vineland, NJ, says he saw Daniel Pratts greet 2015 by speeding through a stop sign and almost slamming into the car in front of him (which turned out to be a police K-9 unit), the Daily Journal ... More »

Guy in 'Seriously, I Have Drugs' Shirt Is Seriously Busted

With drugs. In Florida

(Newser) - The first rule about drugs is you never wear a shirt saying you have drugs. The second rule about drugs ... well, John Balmer of, why, yes, Florida, apparently didn't get past that first rule. As the Tampa Bay Times reports, Balmer was minding his own business in line at... More »

ISIS Fighter Mistakenly Reveals Location in Tweets

New Zealander is apparently unfamiliar with geotagging

(Newser) - A New Zealander who left home to fight with ISIS in Syria made it pretty easy for authorities to track his movements—he tweeted happily away as "Kiwi Jihadi" with his geotag tracking turned on, reports the Guardian . The mistake by Mark Taylor, also known as Abu Adbul-Rahman, was... More »

Cops: Deputy Stole From Walmart ... While in Uniform

Theodore Parrish turned himself in after being caught on video

(Newser) - Authorities in Coral Springs, Fla., caught one of their own allegedly stealing from Walmart ... and the Broward Sheriff's Office detention deputy didn't even bother taking off his uniform to do it. A BSO rep says Theodore Parrish turned himself in this week after he was spotted on surveillance... More »

Burglary Suspect Bunked Down in Homeowner's Bed

Nicole Lynn Daugherty says she doesn't know how she got there: cops

(Newser) - Nicole Lynn Daugherty says she doesn't know how or why she ended up in a stranger's bed early Sunday—but she's now facing burglary, trespassing, and criminal mischief charges for it, the AP reports. State police responding to a home alarm around 4:15am in Liberty Township,... More »

Guy Brings Crack to Pal in ICU, Fire Ensues

Cops also charge Lee Vern Cook with gun possession

(Newser) - If you're stuck in the ICU on Christmas Eve, it's good to have friends to help you liven the joint up and Lee Vern Cook is apparently the best of these sorts of friends: The 54-year-old stands charged with a bevy of offenses after police say he brought... More »

Cops: Guy Shoplifted ... at 'Shop With a Cop' Event

There were lots of deputies around to see what allegedly happened

(Newser) - Pro tip for would-be thieves: It's probably not a good idea to attempt shoplifting ... during a "Shop with a Cop" event. That's what police say Grant Scott Timm of Lecanto, Fla., did last Wednesday night at the city's Walmart, according to the Citrus County Chronicle . The... More »

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