I find myself extremely irritated and resentful today over having been made fully aware of the existence of someone named
Liz Cheney.
I say “fully aware” because although I probably had seen the name of this individual in the media, until now it never really registered. Never stuck. It lay half submerged, like some hippopotamus you’re only vaguely aware of until it charges out of the river and, with ungodly bellowing and snorting, stomps you into paste. (Those of you who are working-class sub-Saharan Africans will be especially receptive to this metaphor.)
Previously, Dick Cheney, celebrated and renowned as the worst Cheney in recorded history, was all the Cheney I personally needed in my mental storage bin. I was vaguely aware that he had a wife, Lynne, who once had held some government job or other, two loyal henchmen named Scooter and W, and a daughter who was a lesbian. Now, at this advanced stage of my life, I find out there’s another daughter, who is not a lesbian. Liz.
She’s a lawyer, fortyish, married with children, and once held some government job or other.
More to the point, she’s
yet another right-wing nightmare. It’s just amazing how they keep coming up with these people. Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, Mark Sanford, Glenn Beck… It never fucking ends.
Here is Liz Cheney in her emergent moment, brutally smashing her way into my poor, battered consciousness. She is on
Larry King, both refusing to condemn the idiot
birther movement and trying to somehow blame it on Obama. Already she is perfectly, flawlessly, relentlessly infuriating, pig-headed, and dumb.
Dad must be so proud.
(Liz and Dick Cheney, AP Photo)
Right off the bat she spews a giant whopper, declaring that there are more liberal nuts than conservative nuts. Is it even necessary to mention that the right wing pulls in crazies like grass attracts white pants? Gun nuts, religion nuts, racists, science deniers, history deniers, war lovers, book burners, doctor shooters…without them, there’s practically no one on the right but
David Brooks.
King asked Liz Cheney if she’ll run for office. She deflected. Of course she’ll run for office. What’s more, she’ll win. She’ll become a governor or a senator or maybe both, she’ll be the governor of Montana and the senator from Tennessee, and she’ll frequently be mentioned as a presidential candidate, and the
New York Times magazine, if it still exists, will run a 5,000-word profile that fails to do her any harm.
And I will be plagued by Liz Cheney for the rest of my miserable life.
More, as well as less, of Lewis Grossberger's writing can be found at True/Slant.
