"So, where was I?" began Ricky Gervais, drink in hand, as he sauntered on stage to open the Golden Globes. "Nervous?" He wasted no time throwing out a few insults, noting that he was hosting the show on NBC, "America's third biggest network. Or is it fourth?" He moved on to the show itself, calling the Globes "just like the Oscars, except without all that esteem." More of the best lines from the night:
- "The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton," Gervais said, going on to call them louder, drunker, and "more easily bought."
- The first actor to get skewered by Gervais: Eddie Murphy, who backed out of hosting the Oscars. "When the man who said yes to Norbit says no to you, you know you're in trouble."
- The Hollywood Foreign Press Association did give Gervais some rules, including that he "mustn't mention Mel Gibson this year," the host said. "And especially not Jodie Foster's beaver." That line got a double thumbs up from Foster herself. (Related: Did Gervais out Foster?)
- Pondering the 72-day marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Gervais noted, "I've sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches than that."
- Introducing presenter Melissa McCarthy, he noted that she had made a name for herself by defecating in a bathroom sink in Bridesmaids, which is "less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business."
- He later said this year's audience was better than last year's, which had a "right stick up their ass."
- After he called Madonna "like a virgin," she said, "Why don't you come over here and do something about it? I haven't kissed a girl in a few years."
- After his monologue, Gervais was somewhat scarce. "Can it be considered 'hosting' when Ricky Gervais only appears every 30 minutes during the #goldenglobes?" tweeted @VanityFair.
- A non-Gervais moment worth watching: Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy's duet.
For more Golden Globes, check out the winners
or the best and worst of the red carpet