5 Craziest Crimes of the Week Things police cannot help you with: girlfriends who are so over you By Newser Editors, Newser Staff Posted Aug 9, 2013 5:54 AM CDT 2 comments Comments (©) (Newser) – This week in the annals of dumb criminals: A man who tried (and failed) to get the police to save his love life. Guy Reports Girlfriend Kidnapped to Stop Her From Moving Out: Brilliant idea of the week: Stop your girlfriend from dumping you and moving out by calling 911 and telling them your "wife" has been kidnapped by two men in a U-Haul truck. Unfortunately, things didn't turn out how Florida man Matthew Corp, 35, hoped. Cop Beats Woman Shoplifter on Video: An Iowa shoplifter is contemplating legal action after a cop beat her repeatedly about the head and face—all in view of a store video camera. Brandie Redell admits she was trying to steal clothing at a Von Maur Department Store in February. But when store personnel escorted her to a security office, the unexpected happened. Lawmaker Sued Over Months of Taser Attacks: Most people can accept being the victim of an office prank—but Tasing seems a little much. In that spirit, a Texas man has filed suit against a GOP state lawmaker and her husband over months of alleged Taser attacks while working at their Houston car dealership. Man Accused of Killing Wife, Posting Photo on Facebook: Unreal: A South Miami man reportedly posted a photo of his dead wife on Facebook—just after taking her life. "I’m going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys take care Facebook people you will see me in the news," reads a separate post on the page of Derek Medina, 31. Burglars Swipe $5M in Art, Jewels—From Private Home: Another multimillion-dollar heist is in the news, but this one involves not a bank or a jeweler but a private home. Police in ritzy Rancho Sante Fe near San Diego say thieves made off with $5 million worth of stuff. And they nabbed some pretty pricey items. Click for more weird crimes.