A roll of toilet paper was the smoking gun in an attempted pizza parlor robbery in Pennsylvania. Eric Frey, 29, went to Michael Maria's Pizza Saturday allegedly armed with a toilet paper note that he handed to an employee, the AP reports. It threatened, "I have a gun. Give me $300." Frey said a large, bearded man had "a gun on me right now, and if I don't come out of here with the money, I'm going to get shot," police tell TribLive. The employee hit the panic button and police arrived before Frey could make a getaway. His story of the bearded man proved unconvincing, so police decided to search Frey's apartment. "Let's go," he reportedly said. "I don't have anything to hide."
At the apartment, police say, they found a fresh package of TP, recently opened, and the key piece of evidence on one of the rolls—"writing engraved in it that matched the exact wording on the piece of toilet paper" given to the pizza parlor employee. Police say a black pen that matched the note's ink was found next to the roll, and that they also found a soda can bong, 91 grams of pot, syringes, and spoons coated in drug residue. Frey is now in jail awaiting a hearing, with four unrelated drug cases against him, and a charge of attempted robbery and theft. (In other weird crime news, this guy allegedly tried to have sex with an ATM.)