Sex and the Pity: A Widow Ponders Limbo

Friends, relatives mean well, but platitudes are patronizing
By Will McCahill,  Newser Staff
Posted May 17, 2008 5:02 PM CDT
Enough with the hugs, says Susan Seligson.   (Index Stock)
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(Newser) – After her first weeks of widowhood, one woman noticed the kind yet patronizing treatment she was getting from loved ones—especially when it came to her sex life. Among the platitudes she came to despise: "You look like you could use a hug," and "You're not ready to date," Susan Seligson writes in Nerve.

"I can empathize with the need to replace the reality of one's marriage with something almost mythically unassailable," Seligson writes of women who remember their dead exes too fondly. "But what happens to sexual longing? Does it dry up, like a raisin in the sun?" Relief finally came with some vulgar humor on a date: "After all those hugs, (there was) someone to talk dirty to me."