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Sex and the Pity: A Widow Ponders Limbo

Friends, relatives mean well, but platitudes are patronizing

By Will McCahill,  Newser Staff

Posted May 17, 2008 5:02 PM CDT
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(Newser) – After her first weeks of widowhood, one woman noticed the kind yet patronizing treatment she was getting from loved ones—especially when it came to her sex life. Among the platitudes she came to despise: "You look like you could use a hug," and "You're not ready to date," Susan Seligson writes in Nerve.

"I can empathize with the need to replace the reality of one's marriage with something almost mythically unassailable," Seligson writes of women who remember their dead exes too fondly. "But what happens to sexual longing? Does it dry up, like a raisin in the sun?" Relief finally came with some vulgar humor on a date: "After all those hugs, (there was) someone to talk dirty to me."

Enough with the hugs, says Susan Seligson.
Enough with the hugs, says Susan Seligson.   (Index Stock)
Mom tells me you have a friend %u2014 one of the phrases widow Susan Seligson heard from her brother after a second date.
"Mom tells me you have a friend" %u2014 one of the phrases widow Susan Seligson heard from her brother after a second date.   (Index Stock)
After his death I was exhausted and numb, Susan Seligson writes. Gifts of chocolate proved both heartening and helpful. Offers of a session with a shaman/priestess/afterlife facilitator did not.
"After his death I was exhausted and numb," Susan Seligson writes. Gifts of chocolate proved both heartening and helpful. Offers of a session with a shaman/priestess/afterlife facilitator did not.   (Index Stock)
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