Snappy newsletters. Simple Facebook sharing. Spirited comments. Sweet features are waiting… GET THEM NOW!

Hot on Facebook

Uproar After NC State Agent 'Fixes' Girl's Lunch Preschooler has to eat chicken nuggets instead of mom's meal »

Snot Pizza Isn't a Felony: Keillor

By Kevin Spak, Newser Staff

Posted Apr 22, 2009 1:39 PM CDT

(Newser) – One minimum-wage worker farts on a salami sandwich, and suddenly the president of Domino's is issuing a public apology? “This is the world turned upside down,” writes Garrison Keillor in the Chicago Tribune. In the actual world, the salami fart is nothing. “The night manager just says, ‘Hey, you guys cut it out and go clean the toilet.’” But thanks to the Internet, it’s been magnified to absurdity—which is, of course, the goal of satire.

Now teams of consultants will descend on huge corporations “to draw up multipronged strategies for fighting booger attacks.” Hiring practices will be rewritten, YouTube gross-out videos will be the stuff of corporate warfare, and, less hilariously, those two brave camera-wielding workers will face felony charges. “I call on all Americans to stand up for the Conover Two and for our national sense of humor that has served us so well for so long boopboopbadoop,” Keillor writes.

[Images (2)]

[Quotes (1)]

A Dominos employee puts cheese in his nose in this YouTube screenshot.

A Dominos employee farts in this YouTube screenshot.

« Prev« Prev | Next »Next » Slideshow

It is tempting — the thought that for practically no expense, you can force the president of Burger King to make a public defense of the product and say that, no, the French fries do not include deep-fried tent caterpillars. - Garrison Keillor

« Prev« Prev | Next »Next » Slideshow

To report an error on this story, notify our editors.

More Newser Stories

Get Engaged at Pizza Hut ... for $10K

Posh package even comes with a $10 dinner box

(NEWSER) - If you're more interested in being memorable than romantic, and happen to have a significant other that you'd like to spend the rest of your life with, you may want to propose to her ... at Pizza Hut. Because for a mere $10,010, the Hut promises to show you and your would-be fiancee a good time, Eater reports. Included in the package: limo service, a ruby engagement ring, flowers, a personal fireworks display, a photographer, a videographer, and the piece de resistance: a $10 Pizza Hut "Dinner Box" with a medium pizza, breadsticks, and 10 cinnamon sticks with sweet icing cup. (Because what bride-to-be doesn't want to celebrate her proposal by inhaling a pound of sugary dough?) More»

Rick Perry Ad Inspires Wave of Parodies

Atheists, rabbis, National Lampoon ridicule 'Strong' spot

(NEWSER) - If all press is good press, then Rick Perry's in luck. His "Strong" campaign ad — now the most-"disliked" campaign video on YouTube—certainly has people talking. Its message about gays in the military, prayer in schools, and the "War on Christmas" has inspired a wealth of parodies, performed by everyone from rabbis to atheists, National Lampoon to a fellow candidate, the Christian Science Monitor reports. See the video gallery for a sampling. More»

Starbucks Fires Steamed Barista for Video Rant

Calls song 'teachable moment' for company

(NEWSER) - A California Starbucks worker was sent packing after posting a video rant about his job—in song form. Christopher Cristwell took his guitar to YouTube to air his venti-sized frustrations; the clip was picked up by a Starbucks blog and he lost his job, the Merced Sun-Star reports. Among the lyrical highlights: “Two Frappucinos? They take forever to make/ You know there’s about a pound of fat in your RF coffee cake.” More»

Sbarro Pizza: What's the Point?

Bankrupt restaurant chain offers bad food at high prices

(NEWSER) - There are a lot of theories as to why Sbarro filed for bankruptcy last month—including “too-rapid growth” and the decline of malls. But Justin Peters has “a simpler explanation: Nobody likes Sbarro,” he writes in Slate . “Devoid of atmosphere, charm, and gustatory relevance, with no signature product to call its own, it's America's least essential restaurant.” On top of that, a simple slice of pizza sets you back $3.49. More»

Domino's Driver Saves Regular Customer

Was worried when elderly woman didn't order for 3 days

(NEWSER) - When 82-year-old Jean Wilson fell at home and couldn’t get up, just one person came to her aid: her pizza delivery driver. Wilson has ordered a large pepperoni pizza every single day for the past three years, and Domino’s employee Susan Guy often delivers it. Guy realized something was wrong when her boss told her Wilson hadn’t ordered in three days—and she insisted to her boss that she be allowed to check on the elderly customer. More»

NEWS FROM OUR PARTNERS

What is Newser?

Face it: there's too much news. At Newser, we choose the most thought-provoking and entertaining stories from hundreds of US and international sources and reduce them to a headline, picture, and two paragraphs. And we do it 24/7—you can come back morning, noon, night (and in between) for something new that matters. Read less, know more.

Learn more »

Partnering with: Slate

View Newser on the mobile website