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MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2009
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Grandparents Face Bitter Foe: Other Grandparents

Jealousy games amount to big consumer spending

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(Newser) – Baby boomers are joining the ranks of grandparents, and as usual, they want to be the best—which includes outranking other grandparents in their mutual grandchildren's affections. The competition is so fierce that it's an economic stimulus unto itself: 42% of gift spending is by grandparents, the Boston Globe reports. "I have found myself in a somewhat competition with my son-in-law's mother over the oldest grandchild," one conflicted nana confessed online.

"You always want to outdo," says a granddad. "There's always competition." A "low-key desperation to be most popular grandparent" is not uncommon, says a therapist, chalking it up to a desire to have another stab at parenting. "There's this second chance—now I can really raise a kid who will love me."

In the tug-of-war over their grandchildren's affections, some grandparents fight dirty.
In the tug-of-war over their grandchildren's affections, some grandparents fight dirty.   (©Luiza)
If the competition gets out of control, a family therapist suggests asking,
If the competition gets out of control, a family therapist suggests asking, "Who's the adult in this situation?"   (Shutter stock)
Some grandparents feud over their grandchildren's affections like dogs with a ... stick.
Some grandparents feud over their grandchildren's affections like dogs with a ... stick.   (©TheGiantVermin)
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To some degree grandparents are rewriting the story of raising their own kids.
- Susan Stiffelman, family therapist

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kokuaguy
May 14, 09 12:17 PM CDT
The grandparent who has the most time to give in ways that support the needs and wishes of the parents will win out. Reply
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TerrifiedCitizen
May 14, 09 2:09 PM CDT
Well, I can't fault grandparents who are generous... but gifts need to be in keeping with the parents wishes, not spoiling the children or teaching them violence. Giving should be commensurate with the grandparents budget; I have talked with grandparents that can't even afford their own RX and healthcare. Reply
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RobN
May 14, 09 2:29 PM CDT
The grandma/pa who win out will be the ones that spend the most time with the kid, not the most money. I remember the grandma who took me to the zoo and the movies and came for Sunday dinner; not the one who showed up at Christmas with the most stuff. Reply
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