Let's Get Brett Favre's Retirement in Writing
In fact, let's make him 'double pinky-swear,' writes Jason Gay
By Evann Gastaldo,  Newser Staff
Posted Jan 4, 2011 12:43 PM CST
In this Dec. 31, 2006, file photo, Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre (4) celebrates a Packers touchdown on an intercepted pass during an NFL football game against the Chicago Bears in Chicago.   (AP Photo/Morry Gash, File)

(Newser) – Enough is enough: It’s time to get Brett Favre’s retirement in writing. In the Wall Street Journal, Jason Gay offers up a sample contract. A few humorous highlights:

  • It starts: "I, Brett Lorenzo Favre, do hereby formally declare my official retirement from the National Football League." Gay suggests the contract immediately state that Favre's fingers were not crossed while he wrote his declaration.
  • Come spring, he should promise, "I will not send a text message to an ESPN reporter that says, ‘FEELING BTTR THN EVR. THKING COMBACK.’”

  • But he can be an ESPN reporter: "I will sit behind a desk with other manly men and joke about Tom Brady's hair. I will also explain how to beat the Green Bay Packers. That will be my main expertise. I will tell anyone, anytime, how to beat the Green Bay Packers. I will do that for free.”
  • And all that desk sitting will mean ... "I will officially get fat. I will have seconds and thirds and desserts. I will publicly vow to lose weight … I will cha-cha on Dancing With the Stars. People will tell me that I look more fit than I did 20 years ago. But still, I will not come back to the NFL."
Click to read the complete contract, or check out Favre's hilarious dancing skills instead.

 

My Take on This Story
Show results without voting  |  
17%
25%
3%
3%
50%
3%