A Truly Fishy Excuse: 5 Craziest Crimes of Week

Including a telephone fail and a really bad neighbor
By Jenn Gidman,  Newser Staff
Posted Dec 12, 2014 5:58 AM CST
This fish might make you intoxicated—but probably not.   (Shutterstock)

(Newser) – Can a fried-fish platter lead to inebriation? That question factors into the weirdest crime stories of the week:

  • Drunk-Driving Suspect Blames His Dinner: It was all the fish's fault, a Wisconsin man with nine drunk-driving convictions told officers when he was stopped for driving erratically. According to a police incident report, John Przybyla had bloodshot eyes and smelled of alcohol, but when a deputy asked the 75-year-old how much he had had to drink, Przybyla claimed he had only eaten a certain kind of fish.
  • Guy Gets 5 Years for Punching Monet: Not the artist—one of his paintings. Andrew Shannon put his hand through a $12 million Monet at the National Gallery of Ireland two years ago, and it looks like he'll be spending the next five years behind bars for his trouble. He told a jury that he'd "felt faint" and fell into Argenteuil Basin With a Single Sailboat, but that differed a tad from his original excuse.

  • Prostitution Sting Catches Unlikely Escort: A recent Florida human-trafficking sting yielded 61 arrests, including that of a 29-year-old who allegedly posted an ad for "male escort services," then offered an officer sex in exchange for $200. A later search of his vehicle uncovered evidence that clued police into his previous career, a revelation that made it even more unbelievable that he wasn't more suspicious of possible police surveillance.
  • Fugitive Calls Police but Makes Big Goof: If you decide to phone in a bomb threat, you might want to make sure you turn off caller ID first. Jacob R. Moore of Idaho apparently forgot that little detail last Friday before allegedly calling in a threat about Atlas Elementary School in Hayden, making the fugitive pretty easy for cops to pick up. Authorities have a theory as to why Moore placed the call.
  • Always Tell Your Neighbors When You're on Vacation: A Washington state couple who didn't do so came home to find their love seat, matching chair, and other items missing—but a recliner and TV stand had replaced them. Cops say the couple's neighbor admitted to thinking the pair had moved and decided to make a swap. He also reportedly revealed he had been a little drunk, which may explain why he left some important clues behind.
Click to read about more crazy crimes.

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