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Actually, You Can Buy Me Love

New essay anthology explores love and personal finance

By Victoria Floethe,  Newser User

Posted Jan 12, 2009 5:53 PM CST

(Newser) – Freelance writer Marissa Belger married for love, relishing the warmth of her husband's clan and overlooking his lowly income—until he lost his job. In The Secret Currency of Love, a compilation of essays excerpted in Salon, Belger describes how her relationship to money surprised her. Adapting to poverty was fun at first, she writes, but as the job hunt left her husband weary and she wept over bills, Belger found that "love wasn't enough."

"When Paul pulled me close, I had visions of a future filled with late charges and coupon snipping, and I became distant and cold," writes Belger. Instead of leaving him, she left freelancing, got a job, and wore the title of primary breadwinner "proudly." Her husband followed suit with a new job, and the combined efforts "triggered a spark of love for my new husband that I had been convinced I'd never feel again."

Jason Mesnick is shown in a promotional photo for the upcoming ABC series The Bachelor. Mesnick, a single dad, will star in his own bid for true love, choosing from among 25 bachelorettes.
Jason Mesnick is shown in a promotional photo for the upcoming ABC series "The Bachelor." Mesnick, a single dad, will star in his own bid for true love, choosing from among 25 bachelorettes.   (AP Photo/ABC, Craig Sjodin)
The Secret Currency of Love portrays the delicate, and often hush-hush, nature of love and money.
"The Secret Currency of Love" portrays the delicate, and often hush-hush, nature of love and money.   (Flickr)
Freelance writer Marissa Belger married for love, but found herself growing cold when her husband lost his job three days after they tied the knot.
Freelance writer Marissa Belger married for love, but found herself growing cold when her husband lost his job three days after they tied the knot.   (Shutterstock)
When Marissa Belger's husband found a new job, she found a spark of love for my new husband that I had been convinced I'd never feel again.
When Marissa Belger's husband found a new job, she found "a spark of love for my new husband that I had been convinced I'd never feel again."   (Shutterstock)
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What I needed to do was abundantly clear: Stop criticizing Paul for what he wasn't and focus on what I was—whiny, critical, demanding—and able-bodied and capable of contributing to our marriage. - Marisa Belger, Salon

I knew couples who had allowed their finances to infiltrate their union like an evil ménage à trois. But that wasn't the way it was with us. Even newly engaged, money continued to have almost no influence on our relationship. - Marissa Belger, Salon

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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 3 comments
RobN
Apr 1, 2009 12:53 AM CDT
Actually she married him when he was poor. Read the article before you make an even bigger ass out of yourself.
Vostok
Jan 13, 2009 1:42 AM CST
Wow. All that evolutionary shit about women subconsciously picking their mates solely on their capacity to be a good provider is true. Suddenly the concept of love seems like a phony joke.....
Guest
Jan 12, 2009 7:08 PM CST
IT IS A PHONY JOKE! Women are selfish and will only do what they see as a benefit for them.

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