Just when you thought it was safe to get back on the toilet. Coconuts Bangkok reports Thai resident Attaporn Boonmakchuay was five minutes into his "usual bowel movement" Wednesday morning when a huge python bit him on the penis. The 10-foot snake had, well, snaked its way through his home's plumbing, according to the AP. Sky News reports Attaporn's wife and neighbor entered the blood-soaked bathroom to help, but their efforts with a knife and rope were fruitless. It seems getting a snake off one's penis is just something a man has to do himself. "All of a sudden … it began to lose some strength, so I used my hand to prise open its mouth," Sky News quotes Attaporn as saying. "Then the snake released its grip."
In all, it took the 38-year-old Attaporn—who understandably passed out immediately afterward—more than half an hour to free his penis from the python's jaws. Emergency workers arrived to find the snake still partially inside the toilet. They freed it with hammers and planned to release it back into the wild. Attaporn was rushed to the hospital with a 3-inch wound on his penis. Doctors say he was lucky the python's bite didn't puncture his urinary tract, and he is expected to recover. “He has a really good attitude ... even though his own wife and children were in shock," the AP quotes the hospital director as saying. "He's been smiling and giving interviews all day from his bed." (Read more pythons stories.)