If "drunk," "lawn mower," "suspended license," "squad car," and "Florida man" were on your weird-crimes bingo card this week, you can collect your prize. The Tampa Bay Times reports that 68-year-old Gary Anderson was arrested Saturday after a Haines City cop attending to a matter at a local store heard a loud noise and headed out into the parking lot to investigate. There, police say, the officer found Anderson on a riding lawn mower, complete with trailer; the officer's squad car, meanwhile, had been dinged. Police say Anderson was alternating between laughing and acting aggressively at the scene, per Spectrum News, and he admitted to the cop he was drunk and had smashed into his car.
Police say Anderson failed field sobriety tests and was taken down to the station, but he was then brought to a hospital after he claimed cops had poisoned him. A Breathalyzer revealed his BAC to be three times the legal state limit for driving; a blood test also turned up cocaine, though Anderson, who already has two DUI convictions under his belt, insists the police somehow spiked his bloodstream. Cops also found out his driver's license has been suspended since March 1978. Anderson was charged with his third DUI in 10 years. (Read more weird crimes stories.)