Charlie Sheen wants money, and lots of it. In dueling interviews on Good Morning America and Today, the embattled actor says he will sue CBS over the suspension of Two and a Half Men, and that while he is willing to return to the show, he'll only do it for $3 million per episode (he now makes close to $2 million). Some of his more interesting quotes:
- Why he's suing: "People a lot more important than me are relying on that money to fuel the magic." How much will he sue for? "Tons."
- Why he deserves a raise: "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total frickin' rock star from Mars. People can't figure me out, they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."
- His new family: He has two live-in girlfriends he calls "the goddesses," one of whom is a porn star.
- How he describes himself: "I'm extremely old-fashioned, I'm a nobleman, I'm chivalrous. I believe that chivalry is not dead, it's just been in a coma for a while."
- Whether he's on drugs: "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." (He did submit to urine and drug tests, both of which came back negative, although that only proves he's been clean for three days.)
- Why people think he's on drugs: "People misinterpret my passion for anger. ... You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be, like, Dude! Can't handle it! Unplug this bastard! Because it fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm."
- Whether he has psychological problems: He says he's not bi-polar, but he is "bi-winning."
- When he last took drugs: He claims not to remember, but says at that time, "I probably took more than anybody could survive. ... I was bangin' seven gram rocks and finishing them, because that's how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: go."
- How he feels about his drug-fueled days: Proud, because "I exposed people to magic, I exposed them to something they're never otherwise gonna see in their boring, normal lives."
- How he cured himself of addiction: "I closed my eyes and made it so."
- Why he's special: He has "tiger blood" and "Adonis DNA."
- On CBS: "They owe me a big [apology]. Publicly. While licking my feet."
Watch clips from both interviews in the gallery or click for Sheen's eight worst scandals
. (Read more Charlie Sheen