Note to Self: I'm Hopeless at Golf

Larry David has been playing golf for years, and now, he’s finally acknowledged the fact that he’ll never be good at it. But acceptance didn’t come easy for the Curb Your Enthusiasm star, he writes in the New Yorker. In fact, it was “the final stage of grief.” The others:

• Anger. “You stink, four-eyes! You stink at everything. You can’t even open a bottle of wine!” he told himself. “And you’ve never even been to the Guggenheim. The Guggenheim! And call your parents, you selfish bastard!”

• Denial. “Why should everyone else be able to do it and not me? Why are they good?” But a week of lessons with David Leadbetter didn’t help.
• Bargaining. “Please, God,” he asked. “Give me a swing and I’ll give You good deeds up the wazoo. I’ll help sick kids, the homeless . . . well, sick kids.”
• Depression. “Think what I could’ve done with all that time. Learned French. Piano. I’d be playing Chopin now if it weren’t for golf.”
• And now, it’s acceptance. “I’ll never be good,” but “that’s OK. I’m good at other things. Flossing and dishwashing come to mind.”

(More Larry David stories.)