Last night was Stephen Colbert's 1,000th show, but he's not looking back. With the GOP presidential race in turmoil, he's looking for the party's future savior, and since Barack Obama made the leap from senator to president in just four years, he figured state legislatures were the place to look. His top choices:
- Bob Morris of Indiana: He's on a crusade against the Girl Scouts, who he calls a "radicalized organization that promotes abortion and homosexuality," an opinion he based on "a small amount of web-based research." Colbert agrees: "I did an even smaller amount of web-based research by typing 'girl scouts' and 'lesbian' into Google images, and what I found was depraved. I did not even know you could earn a merit badge in scissoring."
- Kyle Jones of New Hampshire: Jones recently proposed repealing the law requiring 30-minute lunch breaks, because he thinks businesses give such breaks anyway. Colbert agrees: "You do not need the laws that everybody follows. That's why we don't need laws against cannibalism. If I eat a coworker, I know I'm gonna hear from human resources." Colbert thinks Jones' next mission should be to rewrite the Constitution "so it just reads, 'We the people ... got it, thanks.'"
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