Cops: 'Genius' Drunk Guy Loses Keys, Swipes Forklift

Florida Keys authorities say a drunken man from Rhode Island stole a forklift and crashed into a gate in Marathon, telling deputies he lost his car keys and needed something to drive, reports the AP. The Monroe County Sheriff's Office says in a news release that 44-year-old Edward Quinton of Greenwich, RI, told deputies he was in the Keys helping friends move. Quinton was quoted as saying that after he lost his keys Thursday night, he needed a vehicle and took the forklift from a Marathon marina because he "knows how to drive one," per the Miami Herald. Quinton also told deputies he thought he could fix the damaged gate on account of him being "a genius." Breath tests showed Quinton's blood-alcohol level was twice Florida's legal limit. He faces drunk-driving, criminal mischief, burglary, and grand theft charges. Jail records listed no attorney for Quinton. (More dumb criminals stories.)