Live in the state of Ohio? Suffer from lupus, insomnia, or being a Cincinnati Bengals or Cleveland Browns fan? You could soon qualify for a medical marijuana prescription, even for the latter "condition"—if the State Medical Board of Ohio approves its inclusion on the "eligible" list, that is. Per WOIO, the board's medical marijuana panel will meet Feb. 12 to discuss more than two dozen disorders, syndromes, diseases, and, apparently, the hapless luck of being a devotee of these two professional football teams. All were submitted via petition as possible entries to get a thumbs-up for an Rx. Why would being a Bengals or Browns fan give one access to a pot prescription? As CBS Sports puts it, for the past quarter century those fans have been suffering through "one giant nightmare" that perhaps deserves medical intervention.
After all, "the two teams have combined for exactly zero playoff wins since 1995, and things have only gone downhill since then." However, CBS also notes the board almost never greenlights new recommendations—last year, out of 100 petitions submitted, exactly zero were added to the already existing list, which includes such conditions as glaucoma, Crohn's disease, multiple sclerosis, and inflammatory bowel disease. The Cincinnati Enquirer notes the board is staying mum on who submitted the Bengals/Browns petition and what arguments were made for its inclusion. The board's pot committee will sift through all available medical and scientific evidence before winnowing down the list and handing its recommendations off to the full board, which is set to vote on suggested additions sometime over the summer. (Read more medical marijuana stories.)