Why did Sarah Palin wait so long to finally announce she's not running for president? Money. John Stewart guffaws at Palin's jaw-dropping claim that she's just a low-key, little 'ol me quietly declaring that she's not going to stump for the top job after all—when she usually runs around like a guest at a wedding wearing a wedding gown. But, who cares, narcissism is a "victimless crime," says Stewart. Isn't it? What about a massive mailing two weeks ago from SarahPAC asking for voters' "best, one-time gift to SarahPAC to show her that we support her if she decides to run."
The "only way the little scheme would be dishonest or shady would be if Palin had known all along what her decision would be, yet continued to dangle her indecision as a lure to unsuspecting donors," notes Stewart. She did know, according to No. 1 daughter, Bristol. "She definitely knows," Bristol said in an interview in July. "We've talked about it before. But some things just need to stay in the family." That, says Stewart, moves the situation "out of the self-involved category and puts it into the Nigerian prince category." (Read more Sarah Palin stories.)