8 of Kimmel's Best Lines

Damon, Trump did not escape his notice
By Rob Quinn,  Newser Staff
Posted Feb 27, 2017 3:13 AM CST
8 of Kimmel's Best Lines
Host Jimmy Kimmel speaks at the Oscars on Sunday, Feb. 26, 2017, at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles.   (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)

After his success helming the Emmys, some wondered why Jimmy Kimmel had never been asked to man the stage at the the Oscars. The late-night host got his chance Sunday night and brought his A-game to go with the A-list attendees, with USA Today noting he came out "comfortable and swinging." Some of his best lines from the night:

  • Kimmel brought a bevy of political riffs, though one in particular looked forward to tomorrow's Twitter feed, per ABC News: "Some of you will [win tonight] and give a speech that the president of the United States will tweet about in all caps during his 5am bowel movement." He also tweeted to the president live during the show: "Hey @realDonaldTrump u up?"

  • Continuing in that vein, Kimmel took on the president's focus on "fake news," pointing out that if the New York Times or Los Angeles Times or even "the Medieval Times" was in the building that they'd have to leave, per the Huffington Post. "We have no tolerance for fake news," he said. "Fake tans we love."
  • Kimmel also thanked Trump: "I mean, remember last year when it seemed like the Oscars were racist? It’s gone. Thanks to him! It has been an amazing year for movies: Black people saved NASA and white people saved jazz. That’s what you call progress," he said, per Deadline.
  • "This is Meryl's 20th Oscar nomination … she wasn't even in a movie this year, we just wrote her name in out of habit," he said of Streep, nominated for Florence Foster Jenkins.
  • Another political quip, on spotting Isabelle Huppert, nominated for Elle: "I’m glad Homeland Security let you in tonight. We are very welcoming to outsiders here in Hollywood,” Kimmel told the French star, adding "We don’t discriminate against people based on what countries they come from. We discriminate against them based on their age and weight."
  • He joked about Andrew Garfield's loss of 40 pounds for his role in Silence, calling it "an astonishing physical transformation that has been attempted since by every actress in every role ever." New York notes that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made a very similar quip at the 2014 Golden Globes.
  • Kimmel continued his comedy feud with Matt Damon, praising him for doing something "unselfish," per Digital Spy: "He could have starred in Manchester by the Sea but he didn't: he gave that role to childhood friend Casey Affleck, and made a Chinese ponytail movie instead," Kimmel said. "That movie went on to lose $80 million dollars. Smooth move, dumbass."
  • His take on the shocking Best Picture blunder: "The good news is that we got to see some extra speeches ... I knew I would screw this show up, I really did. "
(More Oscars stories.)

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