Comedian Eugene Mirman is very disappointed in Portsmouth, NH, and he wants the town to know about it. After Mirman received a $15 ticket for being "parked in the wrong direction" in a parking space, he took out a hilarious full-page newspaper ad—which can be seen in full here—to give town authorities a piece of his mind, Mashable reports. If he had read city ordinances before visiting, he might have spotted an ordinance in Chapter Seven saying, "No vehicle shall remain backed up to the curb," he admits. "Similarly, if you had gone to my website before I came to your city and clicked on Eugene's ordinances, you'd know that in Chapter One under 'F%#K You Don't Steal My Money,' in section 8.215 it says, 'F%#K You Don't Steal My Money.'"
Mirman, who voices Gene on Bob's Burgers, goes on to note that "New Hampshire's state motto is General John Stark's celebrated quote, 'Live Free or Die.'" But if the general were alive today, Mirman writes, "he would be 287 years old—also, right after learning about cars, General Stark would then be disgusted" to find people don't have the "freedom to back into a spot"—which, "by your own state's twisted logic," turns the ticket into a "fight to the death." Several other cities have similar rules against backing into spots, though when the New York Observer called the Portsmouth city clerk's office, nobody could explain the reason for the ordinance. (A missing comma saved an Ohio woman from a parking ticket.)