How Steve Jobs Avoids Tiger's Predicament

'I just can't stand other people,' Apple chief might say
By Will McCahill,  Newser Staff
Posted Dec 2, 2009 11:00 PM CST
How Steve Jobs Avoids Tiger's Predicament
The blog's masthead.   (

(Newser) – We’ve all got an opinion on the Tiger Woods saga, but now comes one that really matters: Steve Jobs’. Or, actually, the blogger known as Fake Steve Jobs, who fills us in on why the Apple chief would never be in such a mess: “The reason I’ve never been busted is that I simply don’t cheat. … I can never work up the energy to be interested in other people. Male or female. I just can’t stand them. Not. At. All.”

The faux-Steve takes some shots at the physical attributes of Woods’ alleged mistresses (“Rachel Uchitel looks way too much like Steven Tyler of Aerosmith for my liking.”) before getting back to shots at Jobs: “The only way I could imagine ever being tempted would be if some scientist created a complete perfect 100% replica of me, and then if that replicant happened to live next door to me and I ran into him/me and one thing led to another.”
(Read more humor stories.)

We use cookies. By Clicking "OK" or any content on this site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. Read more in our privacy policy.
Get the news faster.
Tap to install our app.
Install the Newser News app
in two easy steps:
1. Tap in your navigation bar.
2. Tap to Add to Home Screen.