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Why Tiger's Career Is Officially Kaput

Stick a fork in him ... he's done
By Evann Gastaldo,  Newser Staff
Posted Aug 18, 2010 10:56 AM CDT
Updated Aug 22, 2010 12:06 PM CDT

(Newser) – Tiger Woods didn’t win a major this year, and he'll "never win another major championship again," posits Drew Magary in New York. Five reasons why Tiger Woods is finished:

  1. There is no point: The point was to smash Jack Nicklaus’ record to "wild cheers," "breathless platitudes," and a "hug from his wife and kids." Now, even if he does do it, that jubilant moment won't happen. “He's a failure as a human being, and all the major titles in the world aren't gonna make a goddamn difference.”

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  1. He can’t handle this heat: Woods has learned everything in a golf-themed bubble. "I'm sure Earl Woods gave Tiger lessons on playing extra holes in a major on a compromised ACL. But I strongly doubt Earl Woods gave Tiger lessons on what to do when you're having sex with 172 women at once and the media, your wife, and your mother all find out about it simultaneously."
  2. No one is scared of him anymore: There are better players out there, and it’s probably hard for them “to be afraid of a guy who texts some chick telling her he'd ‘love to have the ability to make you sore.’ Oh, do you lack that ability? Well then, guess you aren't so intimidating after all.”
To read all Magary’s reasons, click here. (Read more Tiger Woods stories.)

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